I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I accidentally burped into my bong.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
