First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
