She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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