Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
