he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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