If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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