I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
