God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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