he puts the penis in happiness.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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