New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We are all done wearing pants today
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
