i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize