Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
