When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
