I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize