He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
