No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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