forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
