Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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