his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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