I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize