Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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