I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
