I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
BRING THE BAGELS
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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