Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
