I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
