the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
