So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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