a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
