Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
