I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
