also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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