Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
