is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my being single is dangerous.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
