Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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