if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
