The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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