I bet he comes in French.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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