he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
