I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
