I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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