I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
