I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
