She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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