yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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