Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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