I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
