Swine flu. Run for my life!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize