things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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