u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
