Your face is a jimmy john
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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