I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
