A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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