I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
