it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
