The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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