you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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