i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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