i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
