it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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