closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
