Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
