My friends, they love my intelligence
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
