I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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