Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
