Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
